I've been getting some pretty weird offers from the online mashers lately. Perhaps there’s a full moon -- or maybe it’s a rash of testosterone poisonings. For example, one fellow popped up on my screen and offered me $5000 to play with my feet -- sight unseen.
I said, “Hey man, I’m old enough to be your mother.”
He was quiet a moment and then typed, “You aren’t my mother, are you?”
No way. My kid doesn’t have $5, let alone 5 grand. I had to ask, “There are millions of women online at this moment. Why are you asking me?”
“Old feet are the best,” he explained.
Another guy messaged me a few minutes later. “Wanna go out for a beet?” he asked.
A beet?! All would-be Lotharios should have spell check, if you ask me.
The real show stopper though was the man who sent me an IM saying, “Are you looking for a male slave?”
Intrigued, I answered, “Sure.”
Obviously, this wasn’t the answer he’d been expecting. “COOL,” he said. “I’ll do anything you ask. Anything.”
“Great,” I said. “How about painting my deck?”
He logged off.
Some people have no sense of humor.